I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
