While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
