This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
