If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just blew my weed a kiss
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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