you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
