is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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