When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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