Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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