Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
