I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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