This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
