We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
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Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
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I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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