Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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