I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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