My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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