Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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