I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
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You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
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I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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