it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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