btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
