Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
