he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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