Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
