I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions