the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.