I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers