I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
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Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
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When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.