Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
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Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
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nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday