If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC