I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life