I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
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i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
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Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.