I am spending my child support on dildos
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.