Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
