yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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