there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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