I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
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So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
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We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now