so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.