So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
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I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
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The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.