I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
