im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
