A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize