so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
