I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
