You made me cry and you don't even care
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
