i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
