I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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