I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
