I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
