How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
