If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
