Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
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Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
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I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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