she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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