Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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