ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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