I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just gargled with NyQuil
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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