Fine. I'll sleep in my office
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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