I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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