it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
