they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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