its not stalking. its research.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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