just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
