Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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