Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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