If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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