highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
