'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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