Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
