I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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