So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
