He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
