He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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