my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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