I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
