i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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