Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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