there's paper in my vomit.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
