Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize